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POKER101A FORUM :: MEMBER LOUNGE :: Jokes, Jokes, Jokes :: best response of the year
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AuthorTopic: best response of the year (Read 81 times)
x_wildchild
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best response of the year
« Thread Started on Jan 20, 2008, 11:05pm »
BEST RESPONSE OF THE YEAR




If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility...

Q: "Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?"

A: "No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away."

Q: "Officer -- who provided this description?"

A: "The officer who responded to the scene."

Q: "A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?"

A: "Yes, sir. With my life."

Q: "With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?"

A: "Yes sir, we do!"

Q: "And do you have a locker in the room?"

A: "Yes sir, I do."

Q: "And do you have a lock on your locker?"

A: "Yes sir."

Q: "Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?"

A: "You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room."

The courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's "Best Comeback" line -- and we think he'll win.



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x_wildchild
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Re: best response of the year
« Reply #1 on Jan 24, 2008, 1:04pm »
A lady walks into Tiffany's. She browses around, spots a beautiful
> diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more
> closely she inadvertently breaks wind.
>
> Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has
> noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right
> now.
>
> As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a
> salesman standing right behind her.
>
> Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the
> salesman greets the lady with, 'Good day, Madam.. How may we help you
> today?'
>
> Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have
> been there at the time of her little 'accident', she asks, 'Sir, what is the
> price of this lovely bracelet?'
>
> He answers, 'Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to chit
when I tell you the price.'
« Last Edit: Jan 24, 2008, 1:06pm by x_wildchild »Link to Post - Back to Top  IP: Logged
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x_wildchild
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Re: best response of the year
« Reply #2 on Jan 24, 2008, 6:06pm »
MY LIVING WILL



Last night my sister and I were sitting in the den and I said to her, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive. That would be no quality of life at all, If that ever happens, just pull the plug.'

So she got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my whiskey.

She's such a witch.



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combo
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Re: best response of the year
« Reply #3 on Jan 29, 2008, 11:20pm »
LOL All three are too funny!
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x_wildchild
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Re: best response of the year
« Reply #4 on Feb 10, 2008, 3:53pm »
A man owned a small farm in Wisconsin. The Wisconsin State Wage & Hour
Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him. "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.

"Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."

"That's the guy I want to talk to --- the half-wit," says the agent.

"That would be me," replied the farmer.

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Re: best response of the year
« Reply #5 on Jul 17, 2009, 1:56pm »
We have a winner!
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